For years I have struggle with commited relationships. I spent many years of my life ocupied in personal duties and avoided serious issues of this matter. I had a long list of things to do before I was to get there, in that process I met my last boyfriend. He was ready from day one to be commited. He worked every day to be there. I had a long list of the things I wanted to accomplished before to get there. The situation just became hard to deal with, and our relationship felt down the cracks, I felt overwelmed, he felt like a failure. With time I looked back and only though of all the things that were there missed place and what needed to be worked on. I kept on going and he kept on going, even though we both felt we had this strong connection. As I though i was moving on, I started dating people. I met this person and that person and the other one. I ended up spending more of my time with people just like me that had issues in the matter. Tired of not knowing what I need it to do I asked my friends for advice. My friend Nelson Duarte and Teresa Beutel were the people I though I could trust with this personal dilemma. I presented the list of people I had met, and told them why I though it was not working, and the people I had refused to see because I though they were not for me. My friend Nelson whom is a pediatrician and also have a PHD in psychology told me that I choose people that are not to have a serious relationship with, proving that inside me, there is a part of me that holds to things that are not taking me to a commited and safe relationship, but the ilusion of with no certainty. He said "If you are ready to be commited, you will look for a person with the same aspiration and you will see that in the person". When he told me that I was confused, I knew there were problems, but recognized I did not know how to fix it. How would I go out with a person that I dont like?. Teresa on the other hand told me, just open your mind and heart and you will get there, as we mature we tend to choose more wisely, sometimes she said, "we need certain experiences to be able to get to where we need to go".
I then decided to keep on dating and see with open eyes what I choose. I first choose a personal trainer, totaly brainless, with no conversation and it was all about looking good, and were the party is. I let him go. Then I choose a guy that is in New York with a visa to work from Ireland. He is New York for two years already, but with no promise of staying in New York for ever. He is fun, funny, good looking, but he is seriously a guy to just have fun, that is all. I let him go as well. I then met a guy half peruvian and half Spanish, currently separated with two children and a lot of drama with his situation. With a very short time, he told me a lot of stories. I also let him go. I then stop and choose to shift, i wanted to be able to see a different position, but i did not know how?
So, i called my firiend Teresa again, and she listed all the reasons why i should shift. So it sound it all good, I just did not know how to do it. At that time I had a men that has being trying for a while but i had no interest in him because he is a bit older then me. So as soon as I met him I created a list of all the things I wont like about him, and I had left it there. Every time he tried, I took my list out and did not responded. In the mid time I decided to take in consideration what my friend Teresa told me, I realized all the changes that my body is going through, and my self. I am a 42 years old woman that is not getting any younger. I started to think of the importance of having someone to support me all the way, that not only like my body. I wont need a person that wont anderstand that I might get muddy, or that my stomach wont be as flat any more or that perhaps one day I dont want to go out because that day I feel tired, and my hair is getting difent colors. I want a person that will work for me, not agisnt me. I there took in consideration the guy that i had rejected, in a bit I started looking at him as a good candidate. As I shift I realized all the happiness and stability that a person that is already content could bring into your life. The struggles are minimun. It felt to me like drinking a good glass of fresh water, in that moment. I realized how I had persue to have a relationship with people just like me, people that own the same fears. The part of me that has always be afraid of it had choose the person to be with, someone just like me, and the other part of me works with the idea to be in that place, a complete contradition.
I am just so happy to realized all this for once.
Juana Vasquez
I then decided to keep on dating and see with open eyes what I choose. I first choose a personal trainer, totaly brainless, with no conversation and it was all about looking good, and were the party is. I let him go. Then I choose a guy that is in New York with a visa to work from Ireland. He is New York for two years already, but with no promise of staying in New York for ever. He is fun, funny, good looking, but he is seriously a guy to just have fun, that is all. I let him go as well. I then met a guy half peruvian and half Spanish, currently separated with two children and a lot of drama with his situation. With a very short time, he told me a lot of stories. I also let him go. I then stop and choose to shift, i wanted to be able to see a different position, but i did not know how?
So, i called my firiend Teresa again, and she listed all the reasons why i should shift. So it sound it all good, I just did not know how to do it. At that time I had a men that has being trying for a while but i had no interest in him because he is a bit older then me. So as soon as I met him I created a list of all the things I wont like about him, and I had left it there. Every time he tried, I took my list out and did not responded. In the mid time I decided to take in consideration what my friend Teresa told me, I realized all the changes that my body is going through, and my self. I am a 42 years old woman that is not getting any younger. I started to think of the importance of having someone to support me all the way, that not only like my body. I wont need a person that wont anderstand that I might get muddy, or that my stomach wont be as flat any more or that perhaps one day I dont want to go out because that day I feel tired, and my hair is getting difent colors. I want a person that will work for me, not agisnt me. I there took in consideration the guy that i had rejected, in a bit I started looking at him as a good candidate. As I shift I realized all the happiness and stability that a person that is already content could bring into your life. The struggles are minimun. It felt to me like drinking a good glass of fresh water, in that moment. I realized how I had persue to have a relationship with people just like me, people that own the same fears. The part of me that has always be afraid of it had choose the person to be with, someone just like me, and the other part of me works with the idea to be in that place, a complete contradition.
I am just so happy to realized all this for once.
Juana Vasquez
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